Move ---->>>>>

Girl : Do you love me?
Boy : But of course.
Girl : How much?
Boy : More than anything in this world.

Sounds familiar? Normal conversion when you’re in a relationship. People can’t help but assumed a happy ending, who wouldn’t? But what if not? What if you really have to part ways? What is the next things to do….Move on?

How does one going to move on after losing someone you have been with or someone you have been emotionally attached with even for quite some time. When you feel that your world is torn apart into pieces. You can’t neither eat nor sleep. People around would normally say,
“That’s okay you’ll find your perfect mate in time.”
“He’s not worth your tears so don’t waste it.”
“It’s his lost not yours.”

But for those who have been in the same situation it’s not easy no matter what they say. No matter how hard you convince yourself he’s not worth it. I personally believe that there is no such thing as lesser pain that if you stop early it is better. If it is painful it is really is. Then arise you’re worst enemy - yourself. C’mon you know what I’m talking about. Why yourself? (1) You keep on arguing to yourself that it is already finished because you’re still hoping for reconciliation and (2) For a time (short or long period) you make yourself suffer.

They say time heal all wounds. Umm..i beg to disagree. Not at all times. I never befriend by ex. I just cannot easily forget how much I suffered because of them. So why give them the happiness knowing I already forgave them, sounds bitter? Im not really. When someone did something not bad I could not afford talking to the person even forever…as in forever.

But how about you’ve been emotionally attached but never had commitment? Possible? In my case, yes. Before I used to tell myself you have to hate for him so I could easily move on. But what if from the start you never had him and that he didn’t do anything except just being himself? Frustrating isn’t it?

This time…Im wishing..Im wishing that time passed by easily. So easy that I wouldn’t notice that I once felt it.

=(

Is it a curse?

“God place different people in our lives for a reason. Some to challenge, inspire, encourage and some other good reasons.”

Whenever I get close to someone they leave me. Am I being curse? I have lots of girl friends but I am closer to my boy friend. Maybe because I get extra care and attention whenever Im with them hahaha..They tend to spoil me ^_^. That’s why I love being with them. Here are they:

* * * * * * J O H N * * * * * *
We we’re together since 5th grade. We are not classmates but we are both Legionaire (Mama Mary’s servant). My first gay friend who told me stories about gay’s life. Share some secrets. He would always joke around,
John : Tuwang tuwa ka lagi kapag kasama mo ko?
Donna : Bakit mo naman?
John : Lalo ka kasing gumaganda kapag ako kasama mo.

I once tease him,
Donna : Ma, liligawan daw ako ni John ^_^.
John : Ay Tita hindi ho kakadiri naman.
Donna : Bakit ayawa mo sakin?
John : Hindi tayo talo noh!

Time comes that I had to quit being a Legionaire because of conflicts with my schedule since my house is near the church he would always passed by and ask if I could go back but was too lazy.

I think he has the most number of past foods employment certificate umm..if I remember it correctly he has more than 10 COE.

Now he’s in Alberta Canada working in a hospital. His dreams are starting to form into reality. He promised that when he get married he’ll invite me.

“I miss you John, Im looking forward of seeing you again this December with Deano??.”

* * * * * * U N Y O * * * * * *
Known him since high school but it was only when we finished college when we got really close. Used to hang out every Sunday after attending mass at our home or his. He knows almost everything about me. Patiently understands my tantrums. Willingly attends my request. Though, he spoiled me a lot but he’s masungit. He often gives me chocolates which I love most. My past boyfriends envy him, they feel like Im closer to him than to them. We have the same dreams and right now he’s into it unlike me :c.

He’s in Dubai now working in a department store, never passed a week that he will not give me even a minute call which I really appreciate because he’s kuripot. He’ll just say “good morning and good bye and mahal na to.”

“Oi panget when you get back please don’t forget my balikbayan box full of chocolates.”


* * * * * * K E N N E T H * * * * * *
We were 7 years old when we met at SJES under Mrs San Jose. Became classmates since grade 1 to 6. Most of the time we’re seatmates because we have the same initial – M. He’s one of the few people I could say I treasure among my elementary friends besides Lani, Venus and Jeffrey.

Though, we lose communication after elementary because they transferred to other place and attend different school. After exactly 10 years, 2005, we meet because we organize our reunion.

While he’s here, he was my listener, comforter, self esteem booster….We would advise me that it’s okay to do this and that. Give tips about boys and dating. My late night txtmate.

I told him Im sad because he’s leaving but he assures me that he’ll still be there anytime.
And so he did, even if he’s miles away, he never fails to show his care. Be it thru txt or in facebook.

“Miss you ken so much. I still have lots of things to share and seek your opinion just that I don’t want to bother you much and I know it will cost you a lot if you keep on replying my txt. Promise, when you get back I have someone to introduce to you”.

* * * * * * B R U C E * * * * * *
“Is there something wrong if you and I go out?” I once asked him.
He said, “None. Why?”
“Ummmm..seems like there is something. I think they put malice or something intimate” I replied.
“I told you I eat gossip for breakfast.”

I have said so much about him already and I wouldn’t say more for the sake of other malicious homo sapiens to have something to chat when they were having in between meals or enjoying their coffee.

“You once told me that we have a lifetime to get to know each other. If that call occurs, I might get sad but I’ll be happy just by knowing you’ll be happier. And I know you’ll still be around just like my other friends. Hope to see your name in that walk way.”

^_6

FB Leave

Yesteday (September 25, 2009), I file leave in facebook and will get back as soon as Im okay. Im an fb addict i post everything. Where am I. Who Im with. All my emotions. But this time I want to keep my feelings private because I am hurting. It may sound odd but Im broken hearted but not with a boyfriend but with a boy friend.

I once told him that I feel like Im being curse, because when ever I get close to someone they leave me. My first 3 close guy friend went abroad to work but the communication is still okay at all times.

But him, I dont know why the sudden change. It feels like Im in a dream, I can see him but I cannot touch him. We're so close and enjoying each other's company and now seems like we're just colleagues/officemates.

Glad I have blog, I will utilize this to express my feelings. Though, my good friends are still around and willing to listen.

This will be my temporary emotion's absorber.

^_6

Kenneth

Few days before his departure to Middle East. Im busy thinking of anything to give to this dear friend a "send off gift". And I ended my making a personal poem hahahah. This was the first time I made one so please bear with me. Here goes..

***************************************************

Born under the year of the Dog and a Taureans.
Which resulted to compassionate yet stubborn man.
Loyal yet overprotective.
Sociable yet attention-grabbing.

I’ve known him since we were 7 years old.
I’ve first met him when we’re in Grade 1 at SJES.
Most often than not either we’re in the same row
Or we we’re seatmates ‘cause of our surname.

10 years had passed that we didn’t talk at all.
But because of reunion, we meet again.
He really did change a lot.
From a plain naïve to Casanova type of man.

Years again passed and one day we meet again.
This time because of Prei.
Also a friend of mine but unaware that he’s into her.
Thanks to Prei I get to meet this dear friend again.

He always lend his ear whenever I needed one.
My adviser when I do not know what to do.
My self-esteem booster when I feel like luck is turning away.
An amazing and a Jack-Of-All-Trade man.

And now, he’s leaving again.
No certainty if we could see each other again.
Though, he promise he’ll still be there for me.
But I know it’ll be different.

I am truly happy because I know this is his dream,
But sad at the same time, that I may not able talk to him a lot.
He deserves all the good things the world can offer.
And good luck in your quest for “Ms Right”.

Go and reach for your dreams Kenneth.
Make your family and friends proud of your future achievements.
Our prayers will always be with you.
We will surely miss you.

^_6

My Kamahalan

11:00 am in the office and yet doing things not related to work, I feel oblige to write because I was teasing him that since it took him sooooo long to finish his next article I will instead write about him.

I first saw him at Company’s Christmas party 2 years ago with my high school school-mate. First impression though I really don’t pay much attention, mayabang, presko. Heard he’s an AD from my SO origin.

Next encounter, 2008 new set up, we were appointed to higher position. Me as IMRA and he as DTL. Ah so he’s one of the visors I’ll be dealing with. Rumors are roaming around, he should not be in the position because he’s blah…blah…blah…but because of “him/her” he was place in the line-up as well as other good-looking AD. Well, I’ll just do my job and expect them to do theirs and besides I have a good working relationship with his boss then so I feel I wouldn’t have much problem.

After 18 months of working together purely business conversation, his group once invited me to go out. Ummm…Im closer to his BFF, but then I don’t entertain the idea of hanging out with them. Few invitations were turned down, then one night while watching TV in my landlady’s room, I got an invitation, worried at first of going out with him alone because of some “dirty thinking homo sapiens” around but then to hell with them and I’ve been dying to go out.

Our “first date” - Padis Point Antipolo. Nice and cozy place plus I really love the weather. Indeed a memorable one, around 12mn we bill out it was raining. He’s using his TOT “rat-rat”. We headed to Sumulong Highway, then right turn to Marcos Highway. F@&*, the water hit the island already and if we keep on going we might get stranded. Okay, so he made a U-turned and decided to take another route. Sumulong Highway stretch up to Marikina. Nah…there’s another swimming pool..Gosh it was already 1am. Another route for the 3rd time, go back to where we came from at Padis then straight ahead towards Ortigas Extension (2am)..wahhhhh…swimming pool again???? Fourth route, Pasig “Corinthians”. Finally, at 3am we reached my apartment. I was thinking he has a birth mark somewhere hidden hahahaha ^_^ because of the dilemma we’ve been through.

“2nd date”, a group one, my birthday.

3rd – Starbucks Techno Hub in UP Diliman. This time, he has a new TOT “cherry”. I asked him since I am not sleepy yet at 12mn, to go around the metro. He brought me to his a century old school. Then went straight to The Fort and finally stop by at a 25-hours open store and had some stomach warming food. Then home at around 230 or 3am.

Became closer I guess..I hope or I’m just assuming? Whatever. I became comfortable going out with him. One time, I really feel disappointed we were supposed to go out (with the triplets) but for some “not acceptable” reason it didn’t push through. Though, he asked me to just watch this movie he really wanted but really don’t like to go out anymore hmp hmp hmp.

4th – September 2, 2009. Get to know him deeper. He loves to talk (thanks to you) no dull moments. Though, I’ve heard some of them already the first time we go out. Divulging but discreet??? Hahahaha..he would say know what blah..blah..blah..Oh yah I answer umm then? Ummm…can’t tell it errrrrr……

He loves to talk about his “past” love, his experiences, places he has been, people he met, some stories about his friends, jobs he had, his dream job, books he have read. I told him, we’re very opposite, Why?
You love talking about your ex while I hate telling mine. There’s this one hanging question in my mind, who is that “girl” and whenever I would ask him who she is he would dare me errrrrrrr…..”You were the one who told me about her and yet you can’t name her? Hmp hmp hmp”

He said, “staying with someone you really like even if you know you can’t be together for a lot of reasons is like standing under the rain..feels good even if you know you might get sick”

It’s complicated.

^_^